"A day without sunshine is like night"

"I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory."

"99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name."

"Honk if you love peace and quiet."

An application - was for employment.

A program - was a TV show.

A cursor - used profanity.

A keyboard - was a piano!

A big game hunter goes on safari with his wife and his mother-in-law. One morning, the wife wakes up to find her mother gone. Immediately, she awakens up her husband and they both set off to find the old woman.

Suddenly, they break into a clearing and there's the mother-in-law, standing face-to-face with a ferocious lion!

Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer are in Ft. Lauderdale for a two-week period helping out on a project.

About midweek they decide to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour. Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rub the lamp a genie appears and says "Normally I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish."

Bill, the avid golfer, contacts a "Medium" and asks if there is a Golf Course in Heaven.

The Medium says that his request is a big order, but he will try and find out and get back to him in a few days.

After several days go by, Bill finally gets a call from the Medium. "Well," said Bill, "what did you find out?"

Not a Joke....Just Damn FUNNY!

This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan.

This guy's response is hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response letter.

"There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having an allergic reaction to latex condoms. They say they cause swelling."

"So, what's the problem?"

Dustin Hoffman

An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Canada one morning with a purse
full of money. She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money.

If a boy and girl grow up together and become sweethearts in Arkansas and go to Las Vegas to get married and then live in California for three years before going to Mexico for a quickie divorce, will they still be brother and sister if they move back to Arkansas?

Ahmed came to the United States from the Middle East, and he was only here a few months when he became very ill. He went to doctor after doctor, but none of them could help him.